First Try at Failed Love

"Absent soul (lost love)" 47x47 Oil/ Acrylic on Canvas

I guess if I really want you to know me better I have to tell you something personal about me, they say "go big or go home" so I believe I can tell you one of the biggest reason I'm the way I'm....here is the part of the movie when we go back in time and the image on the screen does the waves thing. Boy meets girl but girl is not your average normal girl, this girl's name was Jhoanna and this is her.

THE MEET

Now I never really knew her past and to be honest I never saw the gangster side of  her, the Jhoanna that I met was a cute, sweet, full of happiness, overall amazing person and she change my life forever. It all started when I was 12 maybe 13 on a perfect Friday night in April, Me and my friends (Felix d kat, Joe camel, Puerca, la rata, and Benji) headed to a middle school party yeah we lived in the ghetto and the middle school had blow-outs Djs and everything, anyways once we got to the party the group would split like Team 6 to our main objective which was to get digits and some ass, what do you expect from a bunch of teenagers! as the night was coming to a close I found my self hooking up with a girl who's breast were bigger than my head and on my side Puerca dancing with what would be my wife but that's another story for another time. Once the party was over we started to walk home but we had added an additional person!?, next to Benji I saw this 4' 11'' really adorable girl that look like she couldn't hurt a fly but man was I wrong. On that moment I began to wonder who was this girl? and how did she know Benji? it was all answered right away when she spotted me, as soon as she saw me she rushed to me held my arm and told me "you're so cute I'm going to take you behind the bushes and rape you!" I'm sure I turned every shade of red I became speech less and Benji just starter laughing "dude I see you met my sister Jhoanna" :O "ur sister? wait what!? word." we finally started to talk and It turns out that Jhoanna was 18 extremely outspoken and loved to dance it was her passion and dream of become a professional dancer like a ballerina (not like a stripper u know what I mean), That was a great walk home and we really got to know Jhoanna the Jhoanna that people never saw and we all became great friends...........

HOSPITAL

Two weeks later while chilling outside the apartments -like always- Benji stopped by and told us that his sister had become ill and was in the hospital but it was nothing "serious" so we all agreed to go see her, I headed home first to grabbed some money my tape player and left to the hospital, Once in the hospital we finally found her room after getting lost in the mace they call Parkland we stepped into her room and her smile was priceless as she lay in the hospital bed looking a bit weak, I still didn't know what was wrong and she didn't want to talk about it so decided to leave it alone, we stayed way pass the visiting hours they finally kicked us out for misconduct fuck those guys!. Before leaving the room I left her my tape player so she could feel a bit better, music always made me feel better and I knew a little something about her "loves to dance/rave" so I knew she would love the "two bad mice" mixtape (what u know about that). The next day she called and thanked me for leaving the tape player and just like expected loved the mixtape and thanks to that gesture on that day the relationship change forever but I had no clue what I started, she finally was release days later feeling much much better.

SATURDAYS (Ring.ring.ring.ring)

A Saturday morning around 6:15 am or earlier I don't know but it was super fucken early my house phone started ringing and after a min or so my mom answered, 2 min later all I remember was my mom putting the phone on my ear while I was still asleep and all I can hear was "Hey cutie wake up, hey cutie wake up", finally after like 5 min I was awake and started to take care of all the morning shit; cleaning my drool, yawning while stretching, the annoying morning wood, etc., finally in my full senses picked up the phone and started talking -me"he..hello, Hey wuz up..what time is it? wait what ur on your way!", -Jho"I'm bringing breakfast so be ready I be there in like 5!", A Oh shit moment just happen me being in underwear and my room looking like Satan's ass, I think my mom told me for like three weeks clean your room with no luck but here comes this girl and makes me clean the room in a seconds, I started moving in hyper speed I even took a shower n shit, it was amazing like a robot ninja on speed. 5 min later sure enough a knock on the door there she was at my door step with Jack in the Box Breakfast and she also brought Benji, we sat in the carpet in the middle of my room just munching hardcore. After that day Jhoanna did this every Saturday for about a year or more I didn't understand why she did this or why she was so sweet to me, In my mind I knew that their was no way she would be interested in me I was just a kid after all and I seen her last boyfriend I was no match (gangsta ass nigga), whatever it was stuck to me like super glue.

JHOANNA'S MISCHIEFS
2:30 am, a really load knock on my room's window follow by a voice "Cutie lets go for a ride I'm hungry" now I had to go, come on who wouldn't go I knew trouble was to follow but I didn't care, Plus Nike was hitting the slogan "just do it" real hard so I did and I didn't want to look like a puck ass bitch, So I sneaked out of the house thru the window and got in the car with Jhoanna but I notice that Jhoanna was really drunk and maybe high on something crazy I immediately started to rethink the nike slogan, as we started going on the streets she mentions a taco place is just down the street but she gets on the freeway at this moment I was a little worried, immediately Jhoanna decided that she needed to change clothes going on a freeway doing 90 mph, she started to change her clothes starting with her pans manages to do so god knows how then -Jho"can you hold the wheel imma change my shirt but you have to look away cuz I don't have a bra, ok" I was sure that was my last day on earth, I was ether going to be distracted by her breast and crash or hit something by looking on the opposite direction from the road, luckily no cars were on the road and the swerving wasn't that bad and I manage to keep my eyes on the road, look away and take a peek all at the same time, now that's motha-fucken survival skills!. at that moment Her gas light came up so were forced to stop at a gas station to pump gas, at the gas station Jhoanna stepped out and asked me to sit on the driver side for just a second while she pumped gas, I didn't see anything wrong with that, music was playing and everything was cool but after a min my mind started wondering and I realized that the car was still on -me"wait a min that's bad thing I'm really sure of it?..ummm... oh shit u don't think... nah she wouldn't.. or would she!?...nah.." she jumps in the car and screams "DRIVE!,DRIVE!,DDDRRRIIVVEE!!" I stepped on the gas pedal and took off but I didn't really know how to drive I mean I done it maybe once or twice, Jho-"what do you mean you don't know how to drive, are trying to kill me! we need to switch right now but  whatever you do don't stop!" it took some skill but the switch worked out and we made it to her house safe even though she suppose to take me home and we never got food!. I decided to just spend the night there like I had a choice so I helped her get into bed and she asked me "lay with me, just for a second stay with me until I fall asleep, please! nothing will happen I promise." I agree and while we lay in bed looking at the ceiling I asked her -me"what's wrong with you?" -Jho-"what do you mean?" -me"no thing bad, I mean the hospital? wuz up with that" -Jho" oh that, apparently I have a bad arteries or something, that day I had a bypass and the doctors say that I have very high cholesterol and one of my arteries' blood flow slowed long enough to cause a problems, but is nothing" -me"High cholesterol but you wear a size zero how is that possible" -Jho"................." She was deep asleep. I moved to the couch out of respect and went to sleep. Three hours later I open my eyes and I saw her standing right in front of me staring and telling me -Jho"man ur so lazy get up"she had just taken a shower and all she was wearing was a towel, She was like nothing had happen walked away and just dropped the towel got ready and left to worked. I had the walk home with the walk of shame but without the reward made it home got ready and left to school it was Tuesday.

THE REASON WHY I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN BREAKFAST

We both knew that nothing can ever happen between us due to the age difference and also because she knew something that no one knew and I guess she didn't want to worry or hurt anyone but her secret was becoming apparent as she started to looked very ill. Like always Saturday morning came and sure enough we had breakfast that's when I took this picture she was no longer full of life and her smile had change but it was Jhoanna she was indestructible she will be fine next week, And like always Saturday morning came I woke up early waited for the call but this time the wake up call never came so I waited all day by the phone no call came, I called her but no answer and a week past by Saturday came but the call never came. Right now I'm not going to lie I'm having a real hard time writing this sorry...... I started to look for her I headed to her apartment to make sure everything was ok, I knocked at her door and her mom open and the  look on her eyes at that moment I knew, as I stood there I felt a huge void taking over my heart like a part of me was ripped and gone missing, Her mom told me what happen "Jhoanna was taken while in her dreams, her heart stopped and never woke", 'DREAMS' all I could think about was that word and remembering her telling me -Jho"my dreams?, to dance like a ballerina". She showed me that life was full of life and to have positive outlook in life regardless of what hurtles life sends your way and like Immortal Technique said in "You never Know" -Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you The one you love, Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond 'Cause you never really know what you got, until it's gone-. So don't waste you time live your dream and love.


I just want to thank you for taking your time to read this now you know me a little bit more about me and why I create.

-Hatziel

"Absent soul (lost love)" 47x47 Oil/ Acrylic on Canvas -Part of the Collection of  George Fowler